Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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