I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
