i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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