haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
