just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
