just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
