On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your cock deserves a montage
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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