I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
