my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
