if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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