I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
