Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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