I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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