my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
