I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress