After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
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i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.