Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.