you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.