I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was