You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The Olympian is in my bed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
