I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..