so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
