get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
