why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
