Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
