dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
