What a fucking waste of an outfit
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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