he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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