any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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