just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
