we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
