You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
