Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
