My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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