walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
