as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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