She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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