did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
