Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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