I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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