He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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