They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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