Ambien. No doubt about it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
