i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
