dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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