He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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