PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Can I color on your dick again?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize