Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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