My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
