either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
