Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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