I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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