apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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