wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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