I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
