dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
