I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
