not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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