Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
