That's intense
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
