I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He kissed a someone with a penis
ugly people sure do ruin things
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
