Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
