Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
