I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
be right there i have to get my cape
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
