Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
