Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I fill condoms, not promises.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
