3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
