Even the bartender felt bad for me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
