I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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