like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
