Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
