i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
