Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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