I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
