I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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