The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
