I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My vagina is officially offended.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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