he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
