Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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