I'm so fucking centered right now
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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