I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize