I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
