hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
