My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize