let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
